SMITH WIT

If you cannot laugh at yourself, I will do it for you.

Subscribe:

Life is expensive, but funny is free

  • Faith & Survival
  • Life Humor
  • Relationships
  • Radio & Video
  • Home
  • About
  • Contact

NFL Football: Now you can get a cheerleader and a hotdog

April 3, 2014 By: Debbie Smith8 Comments

bucs.219_Bears_v_Buccan[1]

NFL Cheerleaders are not fast food.

Well, let me clarify, NFL Cheerleaders should not be treated like fast food!

Yet, the National Football League has approved an App that will allow fans an opportunity to get closer to the “action.” Meaning, the cheerleaders.

Hot dogs…

Popcorn…

Candy apples…

And now…Candie’s apples! Wink, wink.

Fans will soon be able to get a frottage row seat, Err, I mean a front row seat, to the action that previously remained on the field.

Yep, like a chocolate coating on bacon, the NFL is hoping cheerleaders will make the fan experience even better.

I expect men who purchases this service to be treated by those around them with all the respect afforded the guy who buys the auctioned off popsicle in a strip club.

Seriously.

34693_443857699418_7565052_n

Me, as a HAIRizona Cardinals Cheerleader

As a former NFL Cheerleader myself (GO CARDINALS!), I am appalled at this idea.

Honestly, what does the poor cheerleader do when she gets to the fan’s seat?:

  • Flirt annoyingly like a Hooter’s waitress?
  • Shake around like a Stripper in the face of the guy paying the bill?
  • Attempt to lead the section in cheers while angry drunks yell “Sit the F down, you trollop”?

And tell me, NFL, does she come to ones actual seat? That doesn’t seem feasible if you’re smack-dab in the middle of a section 20 seats-deep in belligerent, sweaty, fat men.

I imagine this will tick off a lot of people who now have their view impeded by saps standing around watching the horny douche who has paid extra to watch a cheerleader that everyone has an opportunity to watch. For free.  (But at a safe distance).

Week two will be the first lawsuit for sexual harassment after some drunk asshat grabs a handful!

I mean, if you’re going to make this riCOCKulous idea a reality, you better also make it possible for me to order a NFL Football player off the menu.  Or better yet, bring me Coach Jim Harbaugh, dammit!

What surprises me the most here, is that when I was an NFL Cheerleader (and it was at least a year or two ago — HA!), we had to go through extensive background checks to ensure we were not “exotic” dancers. So why prostitute cheerleaders now?

For an average salary of $50 dollars a game ( Yes, ONLY fifty dollars!), NFL Cheerleaders should be treated with a little more respect. They may not always get it from the crowd, but they certainly should get it from the organization they serve.

For crying out loud, National Football League Cheerleaders work very hard (no pun intended) promoting their respective team’s image in their community, visiting soldiers stationed overseas, and raising funds for many worthwhile causes. And for mere pennies a year.

Besides, can anyone really enjoy a football game while cheerleaders are giving lap dances?  Hell, as a cheerleader, I’d even be distracted from watching the game if that were taking place.

With this move, the NFL is no doubt heading down a strippery slope. Err, I mean a slippery slope.

Seriously, why not just consider consider the field goal the pole and let the ladies spin it around a few times!

TOUCHDOWN! (emphasis on Touch!)

As far as I’m concerned, if the NFL implements this App, soon they’ll be known as the National Fondling League

2695_67645981386_1783336_n-1

You may also like:

  • male order bride
    Male Order Bride

  • Big Day In The Big Easy

  • Faith and Flapjacks
  • Laguna Weeds
    Life in Laguna “Weeds”

Comments

  1. lisa says

    April 3, 2014 at 9:43 am

    “The NFL is no doubt heading down a strippery slope…” That made me laugh. Thanks, once again, for making me laugh first thing in the morning.

    Reply
  2. Stacie says

    April 3, 2014 at 10:33 am

    This is a really BAD decision. Do they not realize all the crazies in those stands? Not to mention the safety for the cheerleaders! I sure hope this doesn’t happen!

    Reply
  3. Mike Campbell says

    April 3, 2014 at 11:07 am

    I think it’s a bad decision on the NFL’s part, putting the focus on sexual desire, which unfortunately does sell. Why not just use GoPro cams on the girls so fans can get a closer visual experience, just saying! I know when I attended a Phoenix Suns game, the Cheerleaders get close to the fans and do dance, but again safety would be a big factor and keeping the girls safe should be important to the franchise.

    Reply
  4. Sara says

    April 3, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    The NFL is out of their frickin’ minds if they allow this! This is insane.

    Reply
  5. Kristin filut says

    April 3, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Wow! Cheerleaders get enough grief as it is! This is a terrible plan on the NFL’s part!

    Reply
  6. Emily H. says

    April 22, 2014 at 9:19 am

    That’s awful those women work hard and deserve to be treated better then that! You were a Cardinals cheerleader! My brother in law is a huge Cardinals fan so hence my little niece is too and I watch her. So when it’s football season she’s always talking about the Cardinals. Awesome!
    Emily H. recently posted…8 Is GreatMy Profile

    Reply
    • Debbie Smith says

      April 22, 2014 at 9:21 am

      Emily, I rarely meet Cardinals fans. St, Louis Cards, yes, AZ Cards, no. Makes me happy to know you have family members who cheer them on. YAY!

      Reply
  7. Nick says

    April 27, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    I adore your page. I assume this is the site of a sports fan? I’ve loved sports since college, especially football but I am truly mad about darts. Do you throw darts? If so, you’re perfect for me!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

About Debbie

Debbie J. Smith lives in Austin, Texas and is the published writer, stand-up comedian and former NFL cheerleader who lowered her bar so much she tripped on it.

Debbie welcomes you to subscribe (above) to her blog and marinate in the fresh perspective and the nuggets of funny she freely offers here. Read More…

My Most Recent Posts

  • The Shutdown March 15, 2020
  • Faith and Flapjacks July 2, 2018
  • And Then I Lost My Balance June 20, 2017
  • Fill These Empty Hands September 8, 2016
  • Raising Moments March 31, 2016

Featured Post

The Shutdown

As the world closes its doors to keep the coronavirus out of its crevices, my heart has only just begun to slowly open ... [ Read More ]

Copyright © 2023 · Debbie Smith · Built by the team at The Business Builder Group

Copyright © 2023 · Modern Blogger Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in